Tragedies
by Luvingtheshadowhunters
Summary: A series of sad one-shots. Individual stories of Cutting, Rape, and Abuse, but almost always making it through to the end. Read how your favorite characters go through the toughest of times, but make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. Includes TID and TMI
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I dont not own The Infernal Devices.

I stared down at the food on my plate as the sound of silverware hitting dishes filled the air around me. The thought of eating anything was unappetizing. As it was alot lately. My dress felt a bit loose around my waist. "Tessa darling, arnt you going to eat?" Charlotte asked me joining me, Will, and Jessamine at the table. Henry was down stairs working and Jem.. well he's been better.

Jem has been ill before but I can tell, though the others have tried to hide it from me, that this time is different. Ive heard the whispers. He's dieing. He wont last much longer. I wince and rise from the table, "Im not very hungry. Will you excuse me?" I go to exit the room when a voice stops me. "Tess. You have not eaten all day, you must be a little hungry." Will. And he sounded.. concerned? I look him straight in the eye. "I said Im not hungry." And with that I scurried off to my room.

I sit on the rocking chair facing towards the window. The moon was full tonight, combined with the stars shining brightly down on me. Reflecting off the gleaming metal of the razor in my hand. Just letting the razor skim across my skin hard enough to draw blood, I sigh in relief. I go about my day as normal, or as normal as I can. But the recent events have taken on there toll on me. Im in pain and this is the way I fix that. Numbness was better then that. It all started that night Will had said those horrible things to me.

*Flashback*

I use a towel to fix my make up, the crying had left trails of black running down my face. There's no future for Shadowhunters who dally with Warlocks? What did you really expect Tessa? Cleaning off the tears that had already come turned out to be pointless as more followed. I sink to the floor, back against the bath tub. Sobs racked my body and no matter how much I tried I couldnt control them. I didnt know for sure if I loved Will, but his words. They hurt me terribly, broke something in me.

I needed sleep I decided. I would sleep it off, and.. hopefully be better tomorrow. I manage to bring the sobs down to just tears again. I pull myself up, and start towards the door. Then I see my razor, it sits on the edge of the bath then I get this weird sensation, something.. pulls me to it. I pick it up and look at it. It's nothing special. A pink three blade razor that you can pick up anywhere. In a book I read, a girl cut herself. She explained how it brought the emotional pain away through physical pain. Would it work for me? Could it bring me what it brought her?

I press the blade against my wrist. Beads of blood pop out where it touches. It doesnt hurt, not really. It kind of.. numbs me. Taking away the feeling. The feeling of hurt that Will had brought on, the feeling of impending loss Jem brings on, of the betrayal Nate brought. Everything just disappeared.

*End of Flashback*

The pain went away briefly when I cut. But.. Jem wasnt going to last long. Will continued to ignore me. Would it really matter if I wasnt here anymore? Digging the blade just a little deeper, and it would all be gone. But could I do it? Could I take my own life? I think.. I think I can. Life just isnt easy, and there was nothing holding me here. I was just bearing burden on people and stealing food. Though in my defense I havent exactly been eating anything...

"Tessa?" I jump and hurriedly hide my wrist and my blades behind my back. "Tessa?" the voice, Will I realize, repeats. "May I help you?" I don't turn toward him incase he may see anything. He comes around and stands by my chair. "Um.. not exactly." Slightly angry I snap at him, "Then what do you want William?" He looks slightly surprised. "I-I just was worried about you. You havent been eating, and- what happened to your hand?" My eyes widen, without realizing it, I had gone to tuck a piece of hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear. I quickly try to return it to my lap, but Will had caught it.

I could see my dress sleeve was covered in blood. A saddness and then anger flash across Will's expression. "Tessa," he exclaims throwing my hand down. I wince. "What are you doing to your self?" My eyes narrow. "It's none of your buisness. Look can you just leave.." If I can just get him out of the room, I can finish this. He only seems to get angrier. "Why? So you can hurt yourself some more? I dont think so. Come on, we're going to Charlotte," Will grabs my hand and tries to pull me up.

"No!" I say a bit hysterically. Will's features soften a little and he kneels in front of me so he's eye level with me, still holding my hand. "Tessa we need to get you some help.." "Why do you care?" I interrupt him, on the verge of breaking down. "Cant you just leave me alone?" He looks like I hit him, "Why do I care? I care because.." he stops himself hastily. "Will.. Im sorry if you feel bad about this.. I just. I cant do this anymore," Im crying now. His eyes widen, "What do you mean you cant do this anymore?" "I.. there's nothing left for me Will. My family's dead, Nate..." I trail off, there was no words to describe what Nate did. "I have no one left, no one who needs me.."

Will was watching me with the strangest expression and then.. "I need you." I almost choke, "What?" I say not sure I heard him right. Another piece of hair had come lose and he reaches up and tucks it back behind my ear, his hand lingering on my face. "I said, I need you." "But.. the roof," I was so confused. Guilt flashes in his eyes, "Is that what this is about? Those things I said on the roof?" I sigh, "Its about.. alot of things. But.." "That's what started it," he finishes. I nod, unable to say anything.

"What I said.. it was inexcusable. I just.." he seems to be having an internal battle. "Tessa Im cursed." "What?" I had not been expecting that. He goes on to explain to me what happened, why he's here, what happened to the people who loved him. "Will," I stop him. "Tessa you dont understand..." "I do.. but it cant be true. Look around you.. Jem loves you," he interrupts me again. "Well look where he is," he mumbles. "That isnt your fault, and dont interrupt me Im in the mist of soliloquy," he grins despite the situation making it completly in appropriate. He motions for me to continue.

"Charlotte loves you, Henry loves you, and despite what you might think so does Sophie and Jessamine do to. And..." I take a deep breath. "I... I love you Will." I realized at that moment that it was the truth. I was in love with William Herondale. "Tessa dont say that," he pleads with me. "No Will. As Ive pointed out.. the others love you. They are fine. Your family, you leaving didnt stop them from loving you. And they are fine. You are not cursed.. not matter what that demon told you." For a moment he looks doubtful, and then his whole face breaks into a heart stopping smile. Surprising me completly, he lifts me up and twirls me around.

"Will," I laugh for the first time in what seems like forever, "Stop it put me down." He does so, "Tessa your right. Ive been to blind to see it bu-" He catches site of the razors in the rocking chair,, and his face become somber again. "Tess," surprising me again he pulls me to him wrapping his arms around me. "The cutting.. its got to stop. You could hurt your self, and I couldnt bare that.. because Tess.. I-I love you to Tessa." I felt guilty, I was so close before. If Will hadnt of come in, Id be dead by now. I look up at him, his blue eyes were staring at me with a burning intensity. "You have to promise. And promise to start eating." I nod. "Promise," Will commands. "I promise, Will. I wont hurt myself anymore. Ill eat.. umm" I blush.

"What is it?" Will says confused. "Is there any chance.. we can go eat something now?" He looks at me for a moment before he suddenly chuckles. "Sure Tessa." He pulls back and grabs my hand. "But first, lets bandage you up." I nod. "Thank you, I love you William Herondale." He smiles again, "And I you Theresa Gray."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well I wasnt sure if I was gonna do this so I didnt make any promises. But.. here it is! So behold Wills pov!

I had been concentrating on my food, pointedly trying to ignore that Tessa obviously wasn't eating. Why wasn't she eating? Did she think she was fat? Tessa was'nt fat. My thoughts were interrupted as Charlotte joined us. "Tessa darling, arnt you going to eat?" I would't have been surprised had Tessa just given Charlotte a flat out no at this point. Of course that was'nt what happened.

Tessa rose, trying to hide her wince but failing. "Im not very hungry. Will you excuse me?" I know I should't have said anything but.. she cant go without eating forever. "Tess. You have not eaten all day, you must be a little hungry." I dont know what I was expecting. For her to sit down obediently and devour her scrambled eggs? Not this for sure, she turned a hard glare on me, eyes burning into mine. "I said, Im not hungry." And then she left without another word.

No one else said anything about this odd behavior. As far as they were concerned, she wasn't hungry that was it. But they did't watch her like I did. And what I see is someone in pain. From what I was't sure. I thought I had hid Jem's condition from her fairly well. I jumped up from the table I couldnt do this right now. "Neither am I." Again no one said anything, only nods showed they had even heard. I shook my head, when had I become the observant one?

I went down the hall preparing myself for a conversation with Tessa. One that assured that she started eating again. What ever kept her back, he had to reassure her. I am in front of her door before I knew it. Taking a deep breath I knock. No answer. I frown, I could have sworn she went in here. I knock again. She was ignoring me, I thought angrily. Forgetting about properity, not that I showed much before and this was urgent, I opened the door and walked in on my own accord.

"Tessa?" The anger ebbed out of me at the sight. I had frightened her. I could see her jump about a foot in the air at the sound of her name. She hadnt been expecting me of course. "Tessa," I repeat wanting a bit more acknowledgment then that for my next words. "May I help you?" she asks in a crisp professional voice. I come around and stand by her chair. "Um.. not exactly." I can help you though. "Then what do you want," Tessa's snaps, obviously annoyed I had interrupted her.

For the first time in forever I actually stuttered a bit over my words. "I-I was just worried about you. You havent been eating and- what happened to your hand?" Tessa had reached out with hand she, I now noticed, had intentionally been keeping behind her back. The surprise and anger she felt had distracted her. She tries to pull it back before I saw it but it was to late. Her wrist had slice marks. New ones, fresh ones. All of the above. I grabbed it. It couldnt be possible.. Was she an idiot!

"Tessa!" I scream throwing her hand back down. "What are you doing to your self?" Then.. Tessa's eyes narrow. "It's none of your buisness." The hell it's not! I almost screamed at her but then she continued. " Look can you just leave..." She really was crazy. "What so you can hurt yourself more! I dont think so. Come on were going to see Charlotte." I try to hoist her up, but she kicks out resisting. "No!" the word was laced in a bit of hysteria. And he understood. She thought that this would lower Charlotte's opinion of her. He knew it wouldnt.

I kneel in front of her, holding her hand in mine, and look into her gray eyes. "Tessa we need to get you some help.." I start softly trying to get her to calm down. But she interrupts me. "Why do you even care? Cant you just leave me alone!" Tessa was on the verge of a break down, I knew it. But that stung, did she really think I cared so little thatd I want her to do this.. or worse to herself? "Why do I care? I care because..." I stop quickly before I can reveal why I care. That was something she couldnt know, something he wasnt even allowed to admit to himself.

My hesitation didnt stop her from continuing. "Will... Im sorry if you feel bad about this... I just.. I cant do this anymore." Now she really was sobbing and I wanted to reach out and comfort her but I was shell shocked. I cant do this anymore, rang in my head. "What do you mean you cant do this anymore?" I finally asked, though knowing exactly what Tessa meant. "I.. theres nothing left for me Will. My family's dead, Nate..." she trails off, probably not being able to find words to describe what Nathaniel did. "I have no one left, no one who needs me..."

No one needs her? But... I finally cracked. "I need you." She coughed almost choking. "What?" she asks disbelieving. I reach up and and tuck another lock of her hair behind her ear. "I said," I calmly restated. "I need you." "But the roof.." The roof. The things I said.. "Is that what this is about? Those things I said on the roof." Tessa sighs, "Its about.. alot of things. But..." she trails off again like earlier. But I knew what she meant to say. "That's what started it." Tessa nods looking almost guilty at this sentiment. But it wasnt her fault... it was mine.

"What I said... it was inexcusable. I just.." Could he tell her? Should he tell her? No probably not, but.. shes got to understand. And then I tell her. Everything comes bursting out, everything he had never told anyone but Magnus. Not even Jem. "Will," she interrupts him at one point. But he needed to get it across to her how dangerous he was. "Tessa you don't understand.." "I do," she says firmly shutting him up. "But it cant be true. Look around you... Jem loves you," I interrupt again even though what I say is completely unreasonable. "Well look where he is." "That isnt your fault and dont interrupt me. Im in the midst of a soliloquy. I grin despite the situation making it completely inappropriate.

"Charlotte loves you, Henry loves you, and despite what you might think so do Jessamine and Sophie. And.." she takes a deep breath as if preparing herself for battle. "I-I love you Will." My heart felt victorious at this, but my head knew it was wrong and fatal. "Tessa dont say that," I plead. "No Will. As Ive pointed out.. the others love you. They are fine. Your family, your leaving didnt stop them from loving you. And they are fine. You are not cursed... no matter what that demon told you."

At first I dont believe anything she says. But then... it all makes perfect since. Well I did try to push Charlotte and Henry and the others away there was no proof that said it didnt work. But my family. My leaving really hadnt stopped them from loving me Im sure. None of them died. Well aside from Ella.. My face broke into a smile. She was right I wasnt cursed. Surprising us both I pick her up and twirl in a circle.

"Will," she giggles. "Stop put me down." I do, not wanting to upset her no matter how happy she seems. "Tessa you're right.. Ive been to blind to see it but.." I stopped. The razors. I had almost forgotten about all this in the midst of his discovery. Almost. "Tess," I say pulling her to me wrapping my arms around her. It felt right after so many years of lack of physical contact. "The cutting.. its got to stop. You could hurt your self and I couldnt bare that... because Tess.. I-I love you to Tessa." And I knew I did, not doubt in my mind, love Tessa Gray. I tried to make sure she knew I was serious with my eyes.

"You have to promise. And promise to start eating." She nods but that isnt good enough for me. "Promise," I demand. "I promise Will. I wont hurt myself anymore. Ill eat.. umm," heat flushes her cheeks a bright red. "What is it?" I asked confused and a little concerned. "Is there any chance.. we can go eat something now?" I study her for a second, was she being serious. She was and I chuckled. I shouldnt have expected anything less. "Sure Tessa." And then thought comes to me and I pull back and grab her hand. "But first, lets bandage you up." She nods flushing a darker red at the thought of having to be bandaged up at all.

"Thank you. I love you William Herondale." I smiled, I loved the sound of that. "And I you Theresa Gray."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is set during COHF. Right before the last chapter, when Simon comes back into the picture. Depressing theme: Cutting, pretty much everything from the last 2 stories, nothing more than that. Dont like it, skip, leave, flame me. IDC! :) Now I dont own TMI. Um... did I cover everything? Wait nope. Starring: Clary and Jace. CPOV!

I feel as the scalding water fills the bath. Where it touches my legs, hands and torso, my skin is an angry red. It hurts. Bad. But it takes all my concentration. I can't focus on anything except my burning skin. The horrible pain. The flames that seem to lick my thighs.

But to soon the feeling is gone, as my body gets used to the water. And my emotional pain starts crashing down on me again. Simon's gone. And it's all you'r fault. My head spins as sobs catch in my throat. I cover my mouth so that the sound won't attract the attention of anyone.

I haven't left my room since the day we returned from Alicante. When I returned from the demon realms and realized that Simon really was gone. Gone from my life. Gone from our group.

I ran, far.

I laid down next to a tree and was awoken several hours later by the feeling of being picked up. I looked up into the concerned eyes of Jace. He pushed the hair out of my eyes, which were staring blankly.

"Are you okay?"

All I did was shake my head. I wasn't okay? How could I be okay? I could swear I saw a tear glisten in his eye, but I didn't have the energy to confirm it.

Luke and Jocelyn had then decided it was best I be took home right away, and I hadn't argued.

I haven't talked to Jace since then either. It was my punishment. For not doing something to prevent this from happening. I also knew he'd be able to tell something was wrong with me.

And I couldn't give up my way of fixing things. It was the only way. Otherwise, I know I'd lose my mind. But now my bath was over. And I had to find some other way to occupy my time until bed.

I stand up and robotically step out of my bath. I get dressed and throw my dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper. And as I do so I catch sight of my razor. My purple razor that before I had thought was so beautiful. But it wasn't. It was just another thing I'd lose. Another thing that would leave me.

But I knew what I had to do with it. I didn't know how I knew, I just did. I pick it up and walk over to my bed. I sit down on the edge, facing the window. The city lights flashed and car horns blared. They all went about their lives as I sat in here and suffered.

As the thought crosses my mind, I bring the razor down on my arm slicing a little deeper then I probably should. But it did as the bath did. Maybe better. It might leave me one day, but for now it was doing something amazing for me. Just as Simon did.

Thinking of him just makes me cut deeper.

And then something I didn't expect happens. My door burst open and Jace appears. "Clary!" I jump and hurriedly hide the razor under my pillow.

"Yes?" I asks turning to him as if this is just a normal visit. As if I haven't been deflecting his calls,text, and voice mails for the last week. As if I haven't told my mother I don't want any visitors.

"What's wrong? I heard you screaming."

I shake my head, "Why are you here Jace?"

Jace looks hurt. "I'm here because I've missed you. And I'm worried about you. And so is you'r mother. Which is the real reason I'm actually in you'r room. She said to come up and talk to you, that her and Luke would be gone for awhile."

Luke and Jocelyn had left? When?

"Which brings us back to.. why were you yelling? Are you okay?" And I blow up. I flip out at him. How ever you want to phrase it. I go over the edge because no. I'm not okay.

"NO!" I scream hysterically, jumping off my bed. "I'm not okay Jace. I- I think I'm going insane."

But.. I don't think he heard anything I said. He was staring at something. My arm. And I didn't know why till I saw the blood dripping onto the carpet. I had cut my arm just moments before. And now Jace saw it to.

"What the hell happened to you'r arm?" Jace asks through gritted teeth. "It's none of you'r business," I growl, shoving it behind my back and out of his sight. "The hell its not!" he's screaming now as he struts angrily towards me.

I back away, frightened. And his gaze softens when he see's what he did. "I'm sorry Clary. It's just.. what are you doing?" He looks broken by the last part. Like he might fall apart.

"I- I don't know Jace." And then my whole body sags forward as I break down. Sobs shake my body as I fall. But I don't hit the ground like I thought I would. Arms catch me. Jace.

"Clary?" he says startled and concerned. I answer by crying into his shirt. I can't say anything. I just sit there, ruining his shirt.

After what feels like hours I stop. And Jace is still there holding me, whispering reassurances in my ear. "I'm sorry about you'r shirt," I say when I can finally talk.

"I don't care about my shirt." Of course he didn't. He's just worried about me. But what did I tell him. That Im fine? I'm not though. I don't know if I'll ever be fine.

"Clary?" Jace breaks me out of my thoughts. "You can't do this to you'r self. You can't blame you'r self." "You can't tell me what I can do." "You're right," he nods. "So let me rephrase this. You won't do it anymore. I won't let you."

"Jace," my voice cracks. "I have to. If I don't..." "Clary... there's something I need to tell you," He interrupts me. "Simon... Well.. Isabelle and Magnus. They kind of found him and told him everything about us and are working on bringing his memories back." "What?" I say astonished. That is the last thing I thought he'd say.

"I said.." "I know what you said. How is that possible?" Jace shrugs. "I don't know. But it's working. The other day he asked where you were. And... we told him you were safe. We would have told you but.."

"But I wasn't seeing anyone.." I finish for him. He nods.

"But Jace... he's a Mundane. You can't tell a Mundane about Shadowhunters." "That's the other thing," he says smiling. "Once he knows enough about us and Shadowhunters in general.. well we're going to enter him to ascend." And that's when something inside of me clicks back together. The something that broke the second Simon was ripped from me.

And the tears start again. Jace looks startled, but rubs my back. "What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted." "Oh Jace," I pull back. "It is. It's everything I wanted. But.. what have I done?" I hold up my wrist. "I can't believe I did this. I.. can you forgive me?"

Jace tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear, "There's nothing to forgive. I understand why you did it. What I don't understand is why you didn't come to me. I would have helped you. You didn't need to resort to this. You have other options Clary. This is never a good one."

"So you're not mad at me?" I ask hopeful.

"Of course not. Just promise me one thing," he says as he pulls out his Stele. "Anything."

"Never," he looks at me gravely. "Do this again. You can come to me. About anything. I won't judge you. I am your's now and forever no matter what."

I watch as the mark I inflicted on myself disappears. "I promise Jace, I won't ever do it again. I love you so much. I don't want to worry you."

He looks so relieved. "I love you to. Now are you ready?" "Ready for what?" I asks confused.

He grins, "Simon?"

I nod, "Right okay. Let's do this."

And we leave. We go find Simon. And I never cut myself again. Because I know I've got friends and family who love me. And I know I've got Jace. My one true love, who I can count on for anything.


End file.
